Hilarious
by beastlycharizard13
Summary: With the leader of the Member Berries seemingly turning on his own kind, he explains his new motives. Back at SpaceX, Cartman is still coping with the potential loss of Heidi. Set after the episode "Not Funny", so spoilers alert those who read before they watch. Not part of RFSP.


Hilarious

 **A/N: "Oy, people are going to think this is a crack fic, or something."**

 **Member when I said that at the end of my last story, "Oh Great"? Well, I don't know if it was out of pity or something, but that story got a few favorites pretty quickly. So thanks to those who liked it that much. :)**

 **You may be wondering why I didn't do a story for "Members Only". Honestly guys, I just wasn't up to it. I feel like that when I can't come up with a good idea, and I wind up writing something rather mediocre, I was just forcing myself to do it. And that's probably why I never did write that story for "A Douche And A Danish"**

 **Moving on, my thoughts on both "Members Only" (2008) and "Not Funny" (2009): 2008 was pretty well put together, and the head member berry shooting one of his own kind definitely kept me wondering. Sadly, 2009 didn't feature the berries at all, so I'm still left without a possible clue. 2009 also showed Randy for a brief bit, but just like Mr. Garrison in 2008, Randy didn't appear in a member-berry induced trance like he did in 2007, so are they just going to ignore that or what? I got a feeling they're going to have a tough time joining the Member Berries plot with the Denmark plot….**

" **Not Funny" is hopefully going to stick in my mind long enough to make a decent story sometime within the next few days. So for right now, I'm just going to take another sip of my Gatorade (which, incidentally, is the Berry flavor) and see what I can come up with.**

 **Two important things to member….**

 **1\. This isn't part of RFSP, member?**

 **2\. Member who owns South Park? Not beastlycharizard13!**

 **(Giving you a heads up though, some part of this fic may spite people that are in the same fandoms I am. Sorry 'bout that. :D)**

 **Enjoy!**

* * *

"I'm going to ask you one more time…member the **REAL** Stormtroopers?"

The aged leader of the Member Berries waltzed back and forth inside the Oval Office, still willing to shoot some of his trusted partners. The rest of the berries were still partying in the conveniently empty White House, totally unaware that their leader was possibly plotting against them. The five berries that the leader had entrusted to do his dirty work were currently locked up in a miniature cage that stood right below the Presidential seal on the floor.

"I *cough* I…think I…member." Gasped the injured berry the best he could. He had already suffered significant brain damage from the first bullet, and was doing the best he could to answer the question, or risk getting killed.

"The…Stormtroopers were-."

"WRONG!" the leader shouted as he pulled the trigger, firing another small pellet, effectively killing the injured berry. Naturally, this sent the other four berries into a high-scale panic.

"Whaaaa! What'd you do that for!?" The big one asked.

"He didn't member, trust me." The leader replied, putting away his gun.

"Are you going to kill us?"

"No, I'm not." The leader simply replied. "I may need you guys later on. You'll be able to member…for now…."

"What do you mean? You're not going to-."

The leader turned back around. "Oh, I am!"

"You're going to-!"

"That's right! I'm no longer going to have people member…I'm going to have them…forget!"

This sent the four berries into an even greater panic.

"WHY!? Why would you have us not member!? Why would you have ANYBODY NOT MEMBER!?"

The leader turned his back on the quartet.

"Simple. We've accomplished our first major task: Infiltrating this nation's political infrastructure. We took down Britain, and now we have the United States. But I've seen a few things boys; oh I've certainly seen a few things."

"Like what?"

"Member…Kersti?"

"N-N-N-Noooo…."

"You damn well member Kersti!"

"N-N-Noo, I don't member Kersti!"

"Yes you do! You member Kersti! And you all member Huey! And you all member how the gameplay style changed in the third game!"

"Please stop it!"

"Member Kersti!? Member Princess Elise!? Member Nixon!? Member Laura Gauthier!? Member Teen Titans Go!? Member Hotel Mario!?

"AAHHH! Oh God, please stop 'membering!"

The leader, finally having stopped the verbal torture, continued discussing his revised plan.

"Now that everyone's so fixated on 'membering what was so great…now they'll want to forget about modern day things more than ever. The only way to do that is to subject them to…well, basically, kind of like what I just did to you, but in a somewhat more humane way."

"B-But why?"

The leader turned back around and smirked an evil smirk. "What? Don't you…member?"

The other four berries remained silent not knowing the answer.

"Of course you don't member. Let's just say...the Danish ain't the only ones trying to turn the world against each other. That fool just wants laughs though…but I have a much better idea…."

The leader berry began to laugh one of the most diabolical laughs anyone could have ever imagined. The laugh continued to bellow across the mostly empty Oval Office….

* * *

" _This…isn't…funny!"_

Cartman had left the SpaceX building to "get some fresh air" as he put it, when he really just needed a private place to cry, if he had to that is. (Although, due to the massive crowd in front of the building, he had to use a little outdoor lunch area behind the building.)

" _Fucking Butters, of all people, is trying to get Heidi to leave me, just to spare me the heartbreak! What does that asshole know about MY feelings!? Just because a Canadian has to go and dump him, now he feels like he should 'save' me? That bit-!"_

"Eric?"

Cartman's thoughts were suddenly interrupted by Butters' entry into the area.

"What the hell do you want now?"

"Well uh…Heidi's emoji analysis for getting to Mars is turning out really amazing!"

Cartman rolled his eyes. "Really?" he asked with an extreme amount of sarcasm that only Butters didn't notice.

"Yeah! I guess you were right; girls ARE geniuses!"

"They're also _hilarious_." Cartman said with an accompanying eye-roll.

"It won't be long now Eric! The three of us are going to be the first ones on Mars, by golly! It'll be just us, and the untamed wilderness, and-."

" _Jesus Christ, sometimes this kid is a bigger douchebag then Kyle. Why can't he take a hint!? If he doesn't shut the hell up, his stuff will be broken next!"_

"…And she was just wanting you to see."

Cartman turned back around. "What?"

"Her work. Heidi just wanted you to come see how far she's gotten. Aren't you coming in?"

"Uh…yeah, I guess so."

Butters led Cartman back into the large room where Heidi was still gazing at the humongous dry-erase board that contained dozens upon dozens of extremely complicated mathematical equations that neither she nor the author of this story could ever hope to understand…normally.

"And…maybe if you switch the devil face with the donut shop, it'll all add up to the VHS tape!"

Heidi had realized earlier that her emoji analysis method could be applied to the complicated equations as well. With this new method, Heidi suddenly became as smart as Cartman had always said she was.

"Which one was the devil face again?" asked a SpaceX employee.

"Any instance of x². And the face with hearts in their eyes is for y²."

"So, uh…what's happening here?" Cartman asked as he and Butters entered the room.

Heidi turned around. "Oh, hey babe. I'm just working some more of this stuff. Replacing all of the math symbols with emoji's in my mind really makes things a ton easier!"

"She's certainly just as smart as Eric here says she is, isn't that right fellas?" Butters asked the SpaceX employees.

"Yeah, this kid's left a pretty amazing impression on us all!" an employee answered.

"Yeah, and she's super hilarious isn't she fellas?"

"Yes Butters, we know." Cartman responded with another eye-roll.

Butters stepped closer to Cartman and whispered: _"I'm telling you Eric, get it over with now, and spare yourself the emotional pain."_

" _I don't need your services, BUTTERS!"_

"Well whatever you want to do then, I suppose. Just don't come crying to me when and if she leaves you." Butters cautioned him one last time before rejoining Heidi.

" _One of these days, I'm going to…to…to…get him back for this!"_ Cartman thought to himself.

* * *

 **A/N: Somehow, this took me an entire week? Aye aye aye….**

 **Well the season 20 finale airs tonight, so here's my official final list of theories.**

 **1\. Bedgrager and/or Dildo Schwaggins is going to die**

 **2\. The Member Berries are going to be destroyed by everyone's acceptance of change**

 **3\. Heidman is going to end**

 **4\. The war between the kids is going to end**

 **5\. J. J. Abrams somehow was involved in all of this, as hinted at the end of "A Douche And A Danish"**

 **6\. Kenny is still not getting any dialogue until who knows when.**

 **7\. Mr. Garrison fully accepts his position as U.S. President**

 **Hope you guys enjoy my story for the next one :)**


End file.
